


Breaking point

by soft_psycho



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:50:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13511388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_psycho/pseuds/soft_psycho
Summary: After the war, Draco is left with nothing. He has no family to turn to, no place to call home and his will to live has all but disappeared. He's desperate to end it all. Meanwhile, Harry has had some growing suspicions about Draco's health and when Harry finds Draco bleeding out they're confirmed. Harry can only pray that he wasn't too late.





	Breaking point

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!! By no means do I want to hurt any of my readers with this story but it has strong descriptions of self-harm and near suicide. If this triggers you please do not read.
> 
>  
> 
> Note: all characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

Draco crumpled against the wall of the bathroom, a small blade gripped tightly in his hand. He stared down at his wrist. Tears slipped down his face as he dragged the blade across his skin, watching as the lines he drew darkened as blood pooled at the surface. He watched as blood dripped onto the white tile staining it red. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to no one in particular. “I’m so, so sorry. For all the pain-” he cried out softly, “- for all the pain I’ve caused people. I didn’t mean to,” At this point, he was more apologizing to himself.

Draco wiped his hand across his cheeks trying to dry some of the tears. “I...I’m so, so sorry, Harry,” He whispered as he sank to the ground, his legs too weak to hold himself up any longer. He dragged his knees and hugged them tightly to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed again, his head hanging down against his chest.  
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / 

Harry ran through the castle searching for Pansy. He had to find her. No. He had to find Draco. His chest heaved as he pushed through a group of third years. At last, he found her on the way to class.

“Pansy!” He shouted as he caught up with her. She turned to face him, her eyes narrowed slightly. “Do you know where Draco is?” he asked in between breaths.

She shook her head after a few seconds. “No, actually. I haven’t seen him all day. Why is something the matter?” She asked, a hint of suspicion creeping into her voice.

“I...I don’t know but I’m worried about him. He was acting…” Harry paused searching for the right word. “Off. he was acting a bit off last night and I haven’t been able to find him and I thought maybe you would-”

Pansy cut him off. “You said he was acting off...how so?” Pansy asked worriedly.

“He seemed really upset last night but it was late and I just brushed it off and...what if something bad happened to him, Pansy? I...I would feel so awful and….” Harry trailed off.

Pansy was silent for a moment while she thought. “Have you checked absolutely everywhere in the castle? Outside?” Pansy asked after a minute.

Harry wracked his brain, trying to recall all the places he’d searched. After a minute his eyes widened in realization. 

“Shit. Thank you, Pansy,” Harry said as he ran toward the stairs leading to the lower parts of the castle leaving Pansy more than a bit confused.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /   
The night before: 

Harry looked up from the book he had been reading to see Draco sitting up on the edge of his bed. Draco was slumped over, his head in resting in his hands. His shoulders shook and muffled sobs could be heard. Harry stared over at him for a minute. He was tempted to go and comfort him but stopped, remembering the last time he tried to comfort someone. Well lets just say that he almost got his head bashed in by a lamp. That was by far not his most pleasant memory. After a few minutes Harry laid back down and decided to confront Draco about it the next day. He figured it might be easier than trying now. Harry set his book off to the side, glancing over at Draco one last time. He rolled back over after a second. Harry sighed softly and closed his eyes as he felt the familiar tug of sleep.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / 

Draco opened his eyes. The blade was still clutched tightly in his hand. He stared down at, overcome by a fresh wave of sorrow and hatred. Draco pushed himself to his feet. He walked over to one of the sinks. His hands gripped the edge tightly, his thoughts traveling back to his sixth year where he had nearly died in this very same place. Draco almost laughed at the irony. He stood there for a few more minutes, tears rolling softly down his cheeks. Then suddenly an idea popped into his head. Draco pulled his wand from his pocket.

He lifted his wand so it was facing the mirror and pointed it at his reflection’s chest. He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Sectumsempra!” He yelled. There was a flash of light and then Draco was falling backward. His head cracked against the floor as pain shot through his body. He curled up into a ball, his whole body feeling like it was on fire. He cried out softly, unable to move. His head lolled to the side as blood pooled around him staining the tiled floor.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

 

Harry burst through the door to the boys’ toilet. It was the only place he hadn’t checked. He couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. Harry looked around. The sight inside made him sick to his stomach. Draco was lying on the ground covered in blood. His wand was clutched loosely in his hand and his eyes were squeezed shut. Harry would’ve thought him dead if he hadn’t by whimpering in pain as more and more cuts appeared on his body. He opened his eyes and lifted his head slightly at the noise. His eyes widened when he spotted Harry. 

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / 

“No..please. Just let me die...please,” Draco whimpered.

Harry raced over and knelt down next to him and pulled his wand out of his pocket. Harry racked his brain, trying to remember the healing spell Snape had used the first time. After a few seconds, he opened his mouth, praying he had remembered correctly.

“Vulnera Sanentur, c’mon.” Harry grit his teeth as he desperately worked at healing Draco. He let out a sigh of relief as the cuts began to fade.

“No. please, let me die, Harry. I deserve it,” Draco cried as Harry worked. Draco tried to shove Harry away but after a few feeble attempts, he let his arm fall to his side.

Harry shook his head feeling his heart shatter at Draco’s words. “No, Draco. You don’t deserve it. Why would you...why would you ever think that?” Harry asked.

“I was...I was scared,” Draco confessed. “Scared that no one could ever care about me again, not that...not that they ever really did in the first place but after everything I’ve done...”Draco trailed off.

Harry sighed and pulled Draco into a hug.

“Draco. We’ve all made mistakes but everyone has forgiven you. Why do you still think that no one cares about you? I don’t know if the rest of the wizarding community can agree but I care about you. You don’t fucking deserve this. No one does. Don’t...don’t you ever, ever try to do this again, Draco. Promise me. You can always talk to me, Draco. But don’t ever do this to yourself,” Harry whispered.

Draco nodded.

“No. I want you to say it, Draco. I want to hear you say it. I want you to promise me,” Harry pleaded still holding Draco against his chest.

“I..I promise. I’m sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry. I’m..sorry for not telling...you or someone and for..for not being a better person and for everything...” Draco sobbed unable to finish his sentence.

Harry hugged him tighter and Draco buried his head in Harry’s chest.

“You aren’t a bad person. You made some bad choices, yes, but that doesn’t make you a bad person,” Harry said in a soothing tone.

Draco sniffed and looked up at Harry.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Harry said as he helped Draco to his feet.

Draco nodded.

Harry unbuttoned Draco’s shirt and pulled it off, grimacing at the scars on his chest. Draco self consciously wrapped his arms around his chest, trying to hide the scars, and by doing so revealed the inside of his wrist. Harry grabbed his wrists gently and pulled them toward himself, his thumbs tracing over the cuts.

“Draco,” Harry said softly.

Draco looked down at his feet.

“Draco look at me,” Harry said gently.

Draco looked up at Harry, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks again.

“I..I’m sor-” Harry cut Draco off.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell someone?” Harry whispered.

“I was scared that people would think that I was seeking attention. That..that I was doing it…doing it for..”Draco trailed off.

“No one would think that, Draco. Never,” Harry promised.

Draco nodded. “Why did you save me, Harry?” he asked after a minute.

“Because” Harry leaned over and pressed his lips against Draco’s wrist. “You are beautiful-” Kiss. “-And talented-” kiss. “-And no one-” kiss. “-Not even you-” kiss. “-Deserves to die. Especially not like this.” Harry lifted his head up to find Draco smiling ever so slightly.

“I...what am I supposed to say to that?” Draco asked.

Harry straightened up and wrapped his arms around Draco. “You don’t have to say anything, Draco,” Harry said softly.

Draco hugged him back, burying his face in the crook of Harry’s neck.

After a minute they pulled apart. Harry summoned a towel and turned on the water, letting it wash over the fabric until it was dripping with water. He wrung it out a bit before gently wiping Draco’s wrists, cleaning off the blood that had begun to dry on them. When he was done he tossed the towel in the sink and handed Draco his shirt. Draco pulled it on, the metallic smell of blood still clinging to it. He could feel himself beginning to panic at the memory. Suddenly Draco couldn’t stand it anymore. He sunk to his knees, body trembling, his head bowed as tears rolled down his cheeks. Harry crouched down next to him and kissed the top of his head lightly before wrapping his arms around Draco. Draco pressed back against Harry’s chest. At this point, he was sobbing almost uncontrollably. The sound filled the room. Draco sat up slowly as he tried to calm down but his efforts were fruitless. 

“Hey, Draco breathe. You’re going to make yourself pass out,” Harry said worriedly.

Draco sucked in a breath, holding it for a minute before letting go. 

“Better?” Harry asked.

Draco shook his head. “I...can’t...I cant...I...I can’t stop,” Draco hiccuped. 

Harry rubbed his back gently. “Hey...Breathe. It’s alright,” he said.

Draco nodded and took a few shaky breaths, gripping Harry’s hand tightly for support, his fingers digging into his skin. It had to hurt but if it did Harry didn’t show it.

“That’s it, Draco. Breathe. In and out. You’re going to be fine. Just breathe,” Harry said calmly

Draco nodded again.

“You alright now, Draco?” Harry asked after a few minutes had passed.

“Yeah...yeah, I think so,” He replied letting go of Harry.

“Good,” Harry said softly. 

“Harry,” Draco started.

“Yeah?” Harry replied.

“I...I’m sorry,” Draco said softly.

“What for?” Harry asked. Was there something else Draco wasn’t telling him?

 

“For being so stupid and for thinking that no one cared and that I was alone and that I couldn’t get help and that..” hysteria began to creep into Draco’s voice. “And for everything and...and...”

“Draco. Draco it’s alright, just breathe,” Harry soothed.

“It’s not alright I was stupid and careless and people got hurt because of me and I don’t know how to… I don’t know what I can do to ever make it up to them. People died because of me, Harry. So, so many people died because I only cared about myself and-” Harry cut Draco off.

“It wasn’t your fault, Draco. None of what happened was your fault. You were trying to protect yourself and your family and there is nothing wrong with that, Draco,” Harry said calmly.

“No..No it was my fault all my fault I...I should have done something sooner. I could’ve. I could’ve stopped him. He was living in my house I could’ve done something and it’s all..all my fault. It's all my fault! I should've, I could've done something but now people are dead and it's all my fault!" Draco was all but screaming those words now.

“Draco, breathe. It’s all over now. You’re okay,” Harry said.

Draco shook his head. "All my fault...I killed all those people, they didn't deserve to die, Harry," Draco said in a softer tone.

"It's not your fault. The war is over. It's all over. Breathe," Harry said softly.

"I...yeah. Yeah, I guess." Draco said.

“Let’s get out of here,” Harry said knowing that bathroom floors weren't the best place for talking.

Draco nodded and Harry stood up, pulling Draco to his feet as well. 

They walked back to the eighth year common room in silence, their footsteps echoing off the corridor. They got there a few minutes later and Draco walked toward one of the armchairs. He collapsed into and immediately curled into a ball, his knees hugged to his chest. Harry walked over and sat on the arm of the chair as he watched Draco. After a minute Harry made a move to get up.

Draco looked up. “Wait! Please, stay with me,” He said softly.

Harry nodded. 

Draco moved so there was more room in the chair and gestured for Harry to sit down. Harry slid off the arm of the chair and immediately Draco moved closer so that his back was flush with Harry’s chest. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco in response. 

“I love you, Harry” Draco mumbled after a minute, half hoping Harry wouldn’t hear him.

“I love you too,” Harry replied softly. 

Draco sighed softly and closed his eyes. For the first time since the war, he felt safe, wrapped tightly in Harry’s arms.


End file.
